


The Time of our Miserable Lives

by dreamyworld



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Original Work
Genre: (siriusly?), Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Sirius Black, Bittersweet, Chaos, Crimes & Criminals, Dark Magic, Depersonalization, Derealization, Don‘t take this fic too seriously, Dramedy, Dreams vs. Reality, Driving, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Has Issues, Explicit Language, F/M, Fucked Up, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Headcanon, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, Imagination, Implied Relationships, Inspired by Music, Inspired by Real Events, Inspired by The End of The Fucking World, James Potter is a Good Friend, Kidnapping, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mindfuck, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Muggle Life, Murder, No Smut, On the Run, One of My Favorites, Original Character(s), Partners in Crime, Peter Pettigrew is a Little Shit, Peter Pettigrew is a Marauder, Police, Post-Hogwarts, Protective Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin & James Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Road Trips, Roadtrips, Sad Sirius Black, Secret Messages, Short Chapters, Sibling Rivalry, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, Sirius Black Lives, Slow Burn, Song: motive (Ariana Grande), Strangers to Lovers, Tragedy/Comedy, Weird Plot Shit, Weirdness, Werewolf Remus Lupin, What-If, haha see what I did there, possible song references, you‘re around the same age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamyworld/pseuds/dreamyworld
Summary: You and Sirius are both messed up and involved in several crimes, but you also have to solve one regarding the murder of his friend James Potter.He and his friend Remus Lupin are also hiding a secret from you, which may only get you into more trouble.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Original Character(s), Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Original Male Character(s), Sirius Black/Reader, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/You
Kudos: 3





	1. we‘ll survive

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Beside the names of the canon characters and their description, everything is my own imagination. This is just written for fun, by a Marauders lover - for other Marauder lovers.
> 
> I tried to make the reader as gender-neutral as possible, Sirius is bi and therefore it doesn‘t matter what gender you are! :D
> 
> Post-betrayal Peter is a coward, James is dead, and Remus.. is a chocolate-loving sweetheart.

A row of many coincidences led to the situation you found yourself in right now. Wrapped under a blanket, beside someone whose name sounded too „exotic“ to be someone living in your area. Regardless, you already developed a deep sense of care for the mysterious stranger.

_Sirius Orion Black._

His name already implied the existence of a criminal history, you thought to yourself. There‘s no way his parents actually named him that.

How deep have you even sunk to let this man, who already looked like a prison escapee, sleep in _your_ car.

„Sirius“ was still in the passengers seat, controlling _your_ radio. And you let him.

As someone who spread out their arms and legs over the backseats, you also thought it‘s a bit selfish too take up this much space, but then again, you remembered that it‘s your car. Nothing but pure kindness and generosity was the reason you even offered „Sirius“ to travel with you.

Travel - where? You had no idea. No destination. But you knew you‘d end up dead anyway, you didn‘t have a job, or much money, you just fought your way through life.

A look outside told you it was quite late at night. The moon shone along with the lights by the cars standing in the parking lot, driving in and out of the public restroom. Only your car was completely dark, because you and „Sirius“, who had just met - were both extremely tired, too tired to think.

You didn‘t have the energy to drive any more than that. And you wouldn‘t let this man, with his hair being long, messy and dark, already depend on your life. So you kept the keys to your car tightly in your clenched fist.

Even if you died, you wanted to experience something. You wanted to have the time of your life. The time of your shitty, most miserable life.

You couldn‘t sleep. Your survival instincts were still inside of you, coming back stronger than ever everytime you finally thought you could safely sleep.

You weren‘t safe. Not now, not here. But even less anywhere else, so this had to do. With a stranger just as fucked up in the middle of nowhere as you.


	2. abandoned fuckers

It was getting _fucking hard_ to fall asleep. You just couldn‘t.

So you tended towards your next - and at the moment only - emotional support person, to collect yourself.

„Consider yourself lucky, Black.“, you declared. „It doesn‘t happen everyday that I take a criminal with me. And don‘t lie to me, I can just _see_ you are one. I bet your actual name is a boring one, like _Gary._ „

Your sassiness threw him off, and he replied in a similar tone: „My parents are weird as fuck, I‘m not fooling you. Everyone in my family is named after constellations.“

You were distracted by a few bats flying past your window into the dark night sky. Didn‘t care to look at him as you answered: „Mhm.“

Then suddenly, as if something - a realization - entered your mind, your head tilted towards him again.

„Sirius it is then.“  
It was more of a mockery than a question.

But he really went along with it.  
„It is.“

And then he suddenly changed the passengers seat he was sitting on in a horizontal position until he was basically lying, staring up to the roof of your car.

The other cars all drove off - no one is really travelling this late at night anymore. Your home was nowhere, you had no family, no friends - so even if Sirius _was_ a bad person, he‘d only make a change in your life. And you needed a change. Either way.

You shoved the thoughts of him being a convicted criminal aside, far back in your mind.

The only reason you picked him up was because you heard him sobbing in the bathroom as you went in to relieve your bladder. Funny how something so habitual could change your life in a moment.

He was still mysterious, which made him even more interesting to you. Didn‘t disclose any details about why exactly he cried, ran away for, how it seemed, _hours_ , without a car, just to lock himself in the bathroom and cry.

But as soon as you noticed the chance for a change in your life, you took it. And wherever it‘d lead you, you‘d know Sirius would play a role in it. A major role.

You didn‘t complain as his black hair gently touched the blanket you were wrapped in. Sadly, you didn‘t have another one to offer him.

„Aren‘t you cold?“, you asked, concerned. You didn‘t know why you asked him if you couldn‘t offer him anything anyway.

Luckily, Sirius insisted on laying like this. He had a black jacket which looked kinda shabby, but nothing else kept him warm.

 _What a pity it‘s night_ , you thought. You were interested in seeing if Sirius had goosebumps. If he was shaking. Scared. Frightened.

Or should you rather be the one feeling this way, since you spent the remaining time of your broken life with a complete stranger who didn‘t seem fully innocent.

Whichever way it would go, you were sure that the days were gonna be a lot more interesting from now on.

And with that thought, and Sirius‘ quiet breath functioning as background noise to your thoughts, you felt strangely safe and quickly dozed off until you two were all alone in your car, in the dark, abandoned and a mess, but... happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i had to think of Gary Oldman so I used his name since it‘s actually quite boring to me - no offense to all the Garys out there.


	3. try again

The sun rose, and you opened your eyes to see a bright light flashing against your eyes which immediately fought against the sudden intrusion of your sensitive sight.

You wanted to protest, until you saw that it was indeed morning, and felt a sudden sense of awkward pride overcoming your body.

_You survived it._

It took a while for you to notice the stranger, who looked strange..ly handsome in the state of deep, peaceful sleeping. Right, you picked him up a few hours ago.

And you didn‘t let the chance of examining him further slip through your fingers this time. So you slowly moved your head upwards until you were almost face-to-face with him.

His oval, pale face was framed by strands of messy, curly, long black hair. A few scars on his hands stood out. _How‘d he get them?_ , you wondered. His mouth was slighly open, and revealed some straight, but concerningly yellow-ish looking upper teeth. His beard was merely a stubble from ear to ear and a dark line around the nose and chin. His eyes were closed, but the eyelashes were quite beautiful for a man and left you staring a bit more. His eyebrows were thick, bushy and pitch black, he quickly raised them in his sleep. It was like a habit. You wonder which ones you had, while sleeping. Probably no one ever took such a close look at you and noticed all the details about you. You bent down just a little further to fixate on his curls - when he snapped - physically.

He muttered something inaudible, and before you could react, he already met your curious eyes. His were brown, a very... dark brown, but it seemed to have sparkles in it. Was it because of the sun?

You didn‘t want to create an unnecessary tension between you and a stranger so you broke the silence abruptly: „Black, do my eyes sparkle?“

„Do you... what?“

You sighed. „Your eyes glimmer in the sunlight so I was wondering, do mine too?“

His eyes were half opened. He seemed to mentally still be in his dream. Whatever it might have been. Your dreams were mostly fictional realities, or alternative versions of the life you lived. Something you wish would someday be turned into a reality for all to see. A world where everything was perfect and you are loved. Oh, so loved. Your childhood was perfect, and you were treated just right.

Apparently you daydreaming was the perfect opportunity for Black to catch your dreamy eye. And he took it.

Or, he didn‘t. 

His deep voice sounded like a missed tune. „They probably do.“

You couldn‘t hide your annoyance. This man was going to be the death of you - positively, negatively, literally or figuratively - in some way, he would.

You scolded him. „You didn‘t even look at me, did you?“

„Damn, what the hell d‘you want from me..? Tell you if your eyes sparkle?“ You nodded, and he continued: „Fine, they do. They are glimmering in the heat of the rising sun. Is that what you wanted to hear?“

It wasn‘t. You didn‘t know what you wanted to hear. But then again, you got what you wanted.

„Yeah, it was.“

Silence.

As he sat normally again and turned on the radio, it was a sign for you to quickly rip the blanket off of you and to position yourself in the driver‘s seat.

„Ready for a ride, Black?“

His hands were paler than they should be. „Sirius.“

 _Was he scared? Why? What was there to be scared of?_ „Mhm. Are you?“

_Everything._

And you couldn‘t care less - couldn‘t care more - couldn‘t give a single fuck, as you drove off onto the highway, merging in with the other cars, with people living their most normal everyday life, with people they knew.

You were definitely not one of them, but the thrill of the possible adventures ahead of you didn‘t let you go. So you loudly said: _„Fuck it.“_

And when you heard a low voice beside you agreeing; _„Exactly. Fuck this shit.“_ , you smiled.

You knew you made the right decision picking Sirius Black up. Him and you, you two were up to no good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how do you like this story so far?


	4. no tomorrow

You drove as if there was no tomorrow, faster than the sun could reach its peak. Sirius was focused on the road, and for one second the idea of letting him drive himself struck your mind, but you disregarded it.

And the motors were loud, the radio was a muffled boring news station and the truck in front of you made the view much less enjoyable. It almost seemed like a traffic jam.  
Sirius audibly moaned.  
“Getting bored, Black?”  
A stern look of his intrigued you.  
“I mean, Sirius.”, you added.  
But his mind seemed to be focused somewhere else. Somewhere completely else. He muttered: “I shouldn’t have done this.”  
You froze.

“Done what?”

He shook his head a few times.  
“This.”

You felt sadness and anger building up inside of you. You’ve done him all these favors and got nothing in return? Not even a thank you.

Well, he was a stranger as much as he was a random passenger, a handsome one, too. Why would he not accept your help? Angrily, you responded: “But I picked you up because I cared for you! You didn’t even tell me what led you to be there, and I trusted you.”

“You could trust me. You can.” Sirius responded, upset.

“So why exactly do you not want this, Bla- um, Sirius? I don’t understand!”

The truck started moving in front of you, signaling you to drive forward as well.

“Keep your eyes on the road.”, he stated. “I’m putting you in too much danger, I’m putting you at risk.”

You stared at Sirius, but he just pointed at the road.

“Calm down, I’m already dri— wait _what?!_ ” You were shocked. “So can I trust you now or not? Why am I in danger?”

And you felt more stuck than ever. You wanted to hear his story so bad.

And to your surprise, he actually continued. “My brother, Regulus-“

“What a silly name.”

He laughed. “It’s normal for me but I get where you’re coming from. Anyway. He was my parents favourite child. He always has been. And then there’s me. The y’know, something people would call a rebel. My mum’s a cunt. I escaped to my best friends house a while ago. And then...” Out of nowhere, his voice began to tremble and you laid a warm hand on his right arm.

“Shhhhh...”

You comforted him without realizing, and he actually opened up this time. Like a flower opens up its petals when exposed to the rain, or sun. You were both the sun and the rainfall.

Sirius was a star, but this time he was a flower for you to feed with your affection.

“Then my best friend James got murdered. And everyone blames it on me, I have nothing to prove my innocence with. They are after me.”

No matter if he was lying or not, either way the police would be after you. This man was a threat. He was unpredictable. But if he was a liar, then he was damn good at it because every ounce of his words hung weightlessly in the air, heavy with guilt and shame.

“If you’re a bloody murderer, you won’t catch me siding with you” you confessed.

“There’s no need to side with me. But I am also not a murderer.”

He looked like one.

“You could kill me. You might have a knife with you.”

As he didn’t hesitate to reply “You’re right.”, your basic instincts kicked in and you tried to move as far away from him as you could while still remaining your posture while driving.

“But I don’t. I don’t have a knife - or anything similar - with me, nor will I kill you.”

That was supposed to be a relief, probably. As if he could read the doubt in your mind, Sirius tried to prove his innocence once more by saying “I didn’t kill James.”

“I know you didn’t.” Once again, your hand found his arm. It was shaking with totally real anxiety.

And then, as the traffic jam started to slowly dissolve, you finally heard these meaningful words from Sirius’ lips, for the first time. In less than a day, admittedly, but every minute you have been - figuratively - dying to hear them, felt like an eternity.

“Thank you.”

A smile formed at each corner of your mouth. _So he can be nice._

“For what?” you asked hesistantly. Softly, with pure innocence.

And he shrugged his shoulders and again raised his eyebrows, like in his sleep not long ago. So it was a waking habit as well, you noticed.

“For being here.”

You were surprisingly warm and relaxed. You were grateful to have him here by your side. A stranger, a possible murderer, but still so attractive and charming.  
So it felt natural to you to proclaim your love to him as if he was a close friend. By telling him you’d always be there.

“Always am.”

No matter how unfamiliar someone was to you, kindness always came to you naturally. Everyone has these traits, those you don’t have to think about strongly to exhibit them. For Sirius, it was his wild charm. His soft side could mysteriously be unlocked by whatever the hell you just did.

You could ask him, but maybe another time. You had all the time in the world, actually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s currently 4:17 am *screams quietly* and i kinda forced myself to write this chapter but don’t worry, the next ones will come naturally. :) inspiration produces the best results.


	5. motives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by Ariana Grande‘s song „motive“ which i really love. idk if it makes sense but i had fun writing it so whatevaaa

So you actually broke your promise of not siding with him because you feel for his charming attitude. He could still be a _fucking_ murderer. But the police was definitely after him, so you had to decide quickly.

Maybe a prison cell would at least be more comfortable than your car. If they‘ll arrest you for helping the plans of a supposed murderer, they wouldn‘t be in the wrong. They would actually care about you - not in the same way you started to care about Sirius, but in a similar kind.

You, Sirius and the police would always just try to tell each others motive. You were so close to each other, yet you didn‘t know how to fully reach him. At least you got a proper „thank you“ earlier. Now there was just a silence in the car, one you used to drown your thoughts in. The silence was there because Sirius turned off the radio again. He had crossed his arms over his chest, leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes in bliss.

„You like it?“

He opened one eye, looking over to you, answering in a monotone voice: „Driving is fun.“

„Can‘t you drive yourself? Oh wait- there has to be a reason you looked all dirty from the woods until you started crying in the restroom. Oh fuck.“ The sudden realization filled you with guilt. Not everyone had the same access to public or even private transportation.

„It just happened to me that I turned into a hitchhiker in the spur of a moment, didn‘t it? If I could drive then I‘d already be far and long gone.“ Sirius‘ sarcastic remark left a lasting impression on you, and your face flushed in a weird feeling of embarrassment.

„Focus on the road, darling.“  
He called you darling.

How would you be able to focus if he did _that?_ Your honesty blurted out as you made a unexplainable facial expression, signaling him what you thought about his attempts as whatever this was - flirting? - one he could identify even by only seeing your face from the side.

„Stop doing that.“

You heard him cackle, mocking your biggest insecurity. Your feelings.

„You‘re right, erm, sorry, love. Where even are we heading?“

_That bastard.. he was subliminally trying to get you to do something. Say something. React a certain way. You wouldn‘t give him what he wanted. Not yet._

„Where do you want to go?“

Sirius widened his eyes, as if no one had ever asked him such a thing. Such as his preferences. What he liked to do.

If you were a mind reader, or you could travel in the past, you‘d probably see a neglected childhood. Not only yours.

You hated and pitied him the exact same amount. He has been in your life for a few hours, but made you the most confused you had been in a while. So you decided to do him this little favour. You‘d drive wherever he wanted to.

Well not only to do him a favour, also to finally get a direction. A destination. A distraction. At least for a while. Because you were fucked.

His answer was too vague to let you continue your thought process, which has gotten more intense any second he took longer to answer. So you were merely disappointed that the only thing he had to say was „Wherever you want to go.“

„That‘s not how it works.“, you replied, harshly. „I‘ll see what I can do, though.“

And then you saw a sign to turn left for a cafeteria, a rest stop more professional than the last one, where you picked him up at. So you pulled in the small street.

„Impulsive.“, was his only comment about your rushed decision. He wasn‘t wrong.

As you stopped the car, pulled out the keys and stepped out, you paused for a moment. Maybe he didn‘t even want it.

„Do you like coffee?“, you asked him.

He nodded. „I like dark coffee. It keeps me awake when I‘m too tired to function.“

„Same here.“ You both were outside now, so when you both slammed your doors, you didn‘t hesitate to walk right inside the cafeteria. Because the sun was already quite up high already, you sort of worried about Sirius‘ choice of clothing.

„Don‘t you feel hot?“

„What‘d you mean?“

You lightly pulled his thick black jacket.  
„Don‘t you want to take this off? I‘m wondering how you‘re not sweating yet.“

He gently gripped his jacket to pull it away from your grip. „No need to worry about me, love.“

You sighed in slightly exaggerated annoyance. „Please stop with these pet names...“ Sirius laughed.

„Alright then.“

„This is not a date. I still barely know you.“

The smell of coffee quickly numbed your senses - in a positive way. You inhaled the scent deeply and got in line to order whatever was there, because at this point you were already getting pretty thirsty. Maybe Sirius felt the same.

Until a wave of shock hit your body, so hard it almost physically threw you back. A bit stronger and you‘d stumble and imitate the protagonist-falls-unconscious-in-their-lovers-arms cliché.

You didn‘t fall unconscious, but obviously reacted externally, because somehow Sirius actually noticed something was off.

And you cut him off before he could speak, and whispered secretively in his bigger-than-average-sized ears: „I have no money. Not at all. Please help.“

And he whispered back: „Same here. But I‘m literally so fucking thirsty and hungry, I‘d die for a cookie. Haven‘t eaten anything in...“ He proceeded to count on his fingers. „2 days.“

„That‘s a long ass time.“, you admitted. „I‘ll find a way to get you some food.“

That promise was again one you probably couldn‘t keep either, but you were trying to make the best out of the situation. And when the cashier signaled you to make your order, you had to quickly think of a good - legal? - solution to the problem of you both being broke.

Helplessly, you and Sirius both placed your orders and it turned out to be barely enough for you to carry with your combined four hands.

As he put the bags with the cookies, bagels, and the two coffees - one light, one dark - on the counter, your fists clenched in the fabric of your T-shirt, already soaked with sweat. Sirius grew more nervous beside you, and the cashier asking for your payment was only the cherry on top.

That‘s when you knew, you fucked up massively. And now you weren‘t alone in it anymore. All your senses, morals and principles left your mind as you left the cafeteria, struggling to hold your orders given your sweaty hands. You ran to the car, together, heard inaudible yelling behind you, which was drowned out by Sirius‘ own screams.

„Drive, fucking hell!“

You were quickly seated again, threw the orders in the backseat, and the coffee soaked the seats and left an unpleasant scent in the car, but all you cared about in the moment was getting the hell away from here.

And you actually managed to drive off quickly, once again blending in with all the other cars. They probably saw your license plate though, and you started to panic uncontrollably. „Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck.“ you panted. Breathed heavily.

Sirius seemed a bit helpless, but strangely kept his posture and a clear mind as he told you where to drive, and when to step on the breaks, carefully, so you won‘t get involved in a car accident. It was only to prevent you from having to stop again.

You spilled out curses and felt like you were about to throw up, but somehow you made it a few miles before you could speak normally again.

„What now?“

It was rather a rhetorical question, because no answer would actually satisfy you.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. _He just couldn‘t stop, could he?_ „We committed a crime, together. Technically we‘re partners in crime.“

It sounded funny, but the situation was incredibly fucked up. Sirius just bit in his bagel, waiting for your answer.

„Yeah, I guess we are.“

And you were. It wouldn‘t be the last time you were doing messed up shit against the law together. Your journey was only getting started here.


	6. retrouvé

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> french words are truly a blessing aren’t they?

It was getting hard to breathe with your head spinning uncontrollably.

You were a criminal.

You have broken the law. And anytime your mind started to rearrange its thoughts, the last bits of your morals prevented you from forming a coherent thought.

So your head sunk lower and lower until it fell on the steering wheel. No control... you lost all your control. Until Sirius’ raw voice pulled you back to the unpleasant reality. He called out your name, angstily. “Hey! Stop doing that!“

“Mhhm..“ You’d take whatever was to come. It didn’t matter if you looked at the road or not. You were going to die anyway. Discouraged.

“HOLY SHIT, PAY ATTENTION! THEY ARE BEHIND US, FUCK!“

That woke you up again, wondering how you even survived while not looking up for a hot minute. He wasn’t lying when he said that. Police sirens were screeching in your ear.

“How aren’t we in a car crash yet-“, you thought out loud, but didn’t have time to wait for an answer. This was not the time to have a casual conversation. _Though you wanted nothing more... wait, what?_

Sirius Black surprised you when he leaned over to you and took the matter - in this case, the steering wheel - in his own hands. “Sirius!!“, you yelled. “What are you doing?? YOU CAN’T DRIVE!“

He skillfully changed the lane every few seconds just to take a turn at the next exit which led you into a forest. “Shhhh. They won’t find us here.“

Driving alone with a stranger who hijacked your car in a forest you don’t know never ended well. What were his damn intentions? And why could he drive suddenly? Then why did he walk all the way from home to the public restroom just to cry in the middle of the night? You were aware that any of these questions wouldn’t be answered anytime soon.

Admittedly, the forest actually was kind of beautiful to look at. The sun shone through the leaves, but only at times, because most of the street was covered in beautiful shadows. “Are you sure of that?” you expressed your concerns. They sure could have followed you, and it would go on in an endless chase where for both of you there was no other option than to lose.

The sirens were still ringing in your ears and you couldn’t tell if you just imagined all of it. It still seemed too bizarre to be real. You repeated positive affirmations to yourself in your head.

“There is only one person I can rely on now..”, Sirius muttered.

“Huh.”, you commented, surprised and curious about his new approach. You didn’t know any of the people he was associated with. Apparently he had a brother _\- Regulus was his name, right? -_ who he loved, but also seemed to envy.

Sirius pulled _your_ car aside, in a small ditch. It smelled awfully much like wet wood, moss and grass.

He looked at you, paused to intensify the dramatic effect, and then said: “His name is Moony. We are childhood friends.” That seemed reasonable, although the way Sirius pronounced his name _\- Moony -_ so that one might not just assume he was reminiscing old childhood memories but that they were more than just friends, sparked a question in your mind.

Given the circumstances of him casually taking over your car, he didn’t seem to care much about intimacy or privacy. You concluded that it shouldn’t hit a nerve if you asked him about his sexuality.

“Are you into boys?”

The way Sirius reacted, though, left you thinking you did _indeed_ hit a nerve. His face was flushed and his black curls trembled. You felt the need to apologize.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t assume someone’s sexuality like that, oh my..”

He didn’t say anything, not a thank you, not an insult either. Instead, he left the car and said: “The air is stuffy in here. Let’s get out, shall we?” Sirius was standing outside. Closed the door. Made his way around to the drivers seat you were sitting on.

Nervously, you looked up to him. You hesitated. “I can’t do this, I’m sorry but they are still after us...” You silently agreed that it was getting stuffy in here, but you couldn’t leave the car, your only safe place now that you were officially on the run.

Suddenly, you felt an arm grabbing you. It was Sirius’, but your natural survival instinct kicked in and told you to let him go. Now if he was going to hurt you, he’d only receive a stricter prison sentence.

Somehow not a second later, however it happened, your shoes and feet were sinking into the mud beneath you. A strong hand was still on your right arm. His arm was not that hairy, but the few hairs on there were black and curly just like the ones on his head. You couldn’t stop the images flooding your mind, whatever the rest of his body might look like... you should, though.

A tension was building up, you were both dirty, your white shirt was already tattered and each second you lived your last moments of freedom were spent in an abandoned forest. For being this close to a highway, it really was sort of empty.

The leaves were dark green, the bark was dark brown... a colour you found in Sirius’ eyes which widened as he saw you, and despite the forest being fairly lit, you could once again see the sparkles in his eyes. A burning desire to act. To rebel. There was no time left, either now or never. And before you could fully indulge in the moment, it was already gone again. So it was now.

He let go of you, ran away into the depths between all the tall, dark trees and you screamed. “STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!” You had to face the decision, either leave Sirius alone or go back in your car.

You couldn’t leave him like that. You were in this together. He didn’t have a car. So you again, tried to run after him. Your car was what made you recognizable, right?

Maybe it was for the better to just leave it alone. Even if it meant abandoning your food..

A bright light coming up from behind you scared you, it made you jump and squirm. No more time to hide.

This time is was you who ran away first, carelessly, and Sirius was right beside you, and then something unexplainable - unfitting in the situation - happened. The dark haired man grabbed your hand.

Tingles ran through your whole body, starting with the feet until your mind was numbed too. You were in shock but you kept going. Kept running.

You held hands, you held _fucking_ hands in a more than _fucked up_ situation. Together you ran, until you could almost hear your feet scream for mercy after trampling over all the sticks and stones that could have broke your bones, but you were tougher than that.

“A clearing..” he mumbled as he found a cozy place amidst the forest, free of trees. It had a magical touch, with even some butterflies. You could easily picnic here, but you had no food, no money and no time. You just sat down on the grass, melancholically regretting all the shitty things you’ve done, and _i swear to god-_ someone sat beside you right in that moment.

It was no one other than Sirius Orion Black.

“What about Moony? Where is he?”, you wanted to know. Didn’t he initiate all of this? Sirius’ inched closer to you, pressed his forehead against yours, and there it was again. The dizzy, tingly feeling originating in your feet.

You felt his sweat trickle down your forehead and shuddered. Then Sirius put one hand on your thigh and right when you wanted to tease him about going too fast, doing this at the wrong time, telling him anything- he didn’t waste the moment, and as you realized what kind of opportunity this was, you didn’t hesitate either.

Maybe you had the same idea at the same time. Kissing each other as if there was no tomorrow. Your lips crashed together awkwardly, but quickly found each other and took in each others taste. He put much emotion in it, it was quite wet too - His hand went up your thigh but you signaled him you weren’t ready for it and he stopped. A full make out session wasn’t appropriate right now, plus you still felt dirty and slightly anxious. Well to be honest, you didn’t owe him an apology this time. No means no. Always.

Both of you stood up, still not fully realizing what had just been going on.

“Holy shit, Sirius.” You were too shy to look him in the eyes after that. Sirius nodded.

“Yeah, holy shit. Whatever.” He shrugged it off. “I think I know just where to go to find Moony! You in?”

“Whoever this Moony is, I’m in.” With that being said, you both stood up and left no trace, except your car with a slowly draining battery in the distance, somewhere far, far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sirius’ dark brown eyes being compared to the “bark” was actually just a coincidence, but i left it here on purpose haha.


	7. two, three, four, three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have some implied!Wolfstar i guess!

It felt like hours, you were walking through unknown exterior, but you let Sirius lead you on, since he stated he knew just where to find Moony.

„Does he not have a home?“, you asked. As far as you know, a forest by the highway wasn‘t the ideal place to live. But Sirius was very convinced he‘d be very near. And then, right when you thought he was just fooling you, there was indeed a rustle between the weeds. You couldn‘t help but scream as you saw a little, grey rat staring right at Sirius - and then at you - as if it was sentient.

Rats terrified you, but you were usually an animal lover so you just closed your eyes and screeched in panic. Sirius laughed, picked up the rat, and held it in front of your face. „Stop it!!“ you yelled. „I‘m afraid of rats!“ But Sirius kept on laughing and spoke directly to the rat, this time. „Wormtail, I think we should show our new friend who you really are.“

_Wormtail?_

And really, before you could notice it, the animal in Sirius‘ hands fell to the ground the exact same second it transformed - into a _human?_

„B-But how...“, you stuttered. _Is this some kind of magic trick?_ You knew magic didn‘t exist, but what you just saw came dangerously close to what one would describe as an unexplainable mystery, a glitch in the Matrix.

The human that was a rat merely a few seconds ago was a boy around your age; small, plump and fair blond. Significantly smaller than you and Sirius, but with older facial features.

The human rat was amazed by Sirius‘ sudden appearance, just as you were by his, or excited to see him again as well, you couldn’t tell.

Sirius introduced you to the mysterious boy. „...this is my other very good friend Peter Pettigrew. Also known as _Wormtail._ „ He paused, sighed, and then continued- „Well... I thought we were friends.”

Wormtail/Peter widened his eyes in shock at Sirius’ description of him. He seemed as if he had been betrayed, but forced himself to smile and stick out his hand to you anyway, and you shook it, still confused. Then you felt the need to introduce yourself as well, leaving out the details of you committing a fraud with Sirius earlier. That wouldn’t make a good impression, you thought.

Incidentally, you were wondering about how he was able to transform into a rat, so you asked him.

His answer was plain.

“We’re animagi.” Sirius made a sign to try to shut him up, but Wormtail kept going. “I can transform into a rat at will.”

“AND YOU USED IT TO—“ Sirius seemed completely in rage, but he was cut off. You hated when Sirius was furious like that. Why were you even thrown into an argument with him and a weird rat when the police searched for you?

Peter tried to stay calm and explain the situation and you’d be grateful if he did, even though your mind was filled with other things.

“Sirius is a dog called Padfoot.”

You looked at him questioningly. He had the same ability? “Is it true?” Your partner in crime looked shocked. “Wormtail, this is not the time to.. where’s Moony, anyway?”

“Ah yes. He’s a bit further away. Follow me.” Peter ran off, and without having a single clue of what was going on, you and Sirius followed him, staying a few feet away from him. You took the chance to whisper at Sirius. “Who is he?”

The answer he had given - a good friend - was not enough for you. They had a bigger backstory, you knew it. And then you saw the third boy, they all belonged together somehow, you knew it. This boy looked like he had a rough night, not a partying-and-one-night-stand night, but an i-cried-the-whole-night-long night. He had dark circles under his drowsy eyes, slight scars all over his face, and his pale skin glistened in the sunlight. His clothes were a loose green jeans, brown boots and a brown cardigan. His hair was light brown, slightly messy, and he looked very, very tired. Also he sat on several tree stumps and stared at the sky, so it took you a few more steps for him to notice you.

“Hi.”, you said, awkwardly. Then he suddenly looked at you, Peter, and Sirius. “You must be Moony.”, you observed.

“I am.”, he confirmed. “Who are you? How do you know my nickname?”

You winced. It was kind of obvious that Moony wasn’t this guy’s real name, but the fact that Sirius confided in you enough to introduce all his friend to you by their nicknames made you happy.

“Sirius told me. I caught him crying in a bathroom by the highway so I picked him up and well, now we can’t...” You searched for the most fitting words to describe your situation.

“We can’t really _part_ from each other.” Moony smirked. “He cried? How untypical of him. Actually, my real name is Remus Lupin. Who are you?” 

You told him your name. But _Remus..._ the name rang a bell somewhere deep inside your mind.

“Why are we all here?” you asked, honestly. “Does it have to do with a certain James?” The three boys were left speechless and they all looked like they have seen a ghost. No one really answered, and Peter started to form tears in his eyes, but then Sirius - Padfoot? - finally said something.

“Yeah. To make it short, we are here, because we are pretty sure... and when I say _we_ , I mean Remus and me - that Peter is the reason our dearest friend James was murdered.” Said Peter went quite hysterical at that accusation, understandable, as you thought. Why would they accuse him of such a thing?

Remus didn’t know what to say, so he just absentmindedly nodded.

_Was it really the time for you to solve a crime when you just committed one yourself?_

It all seemed like Sirius and Remus Lupin were just trying to portray Peter as the bad guy. Especially since Peter looked the least like a person who would be responsible for somebody‘s murder. But then, Peter transformed into a rat, aka Wormtail, again and ran away until he was nowhere to be seen.

„YOU COWARD!“ Sirius shouted after him, and his voice was drowned by the trees. Again, it was only him and you - and Remus.

„Well Padfoot, it seems like an unfortunate situation. There‘s nothing you can do..“ Remus‘ voice was calm and rational which led you to the conclusion that he was most likely the responsible, paternal figure out of their friend group.

„I COULD KILL HIM!“ Sirius‘ was full of anger and it was obvious he wanted to avenge whoever this James was. Remus sighed. _How was he able to deal with Sirius since their childhood?_ , you wondered.

You were somewhere inbetween their different tempers, you also had a reason to scream. You already had your own bullshit to deal with. You _and_ Sirius.

Although you wanted nothing more than to end the drama you had to add to it. Salt in the wound. An ounce of truth in a sea of lies and guilt. Remus and Sirius were chasing after Peter, but the police was chasing after Sirius and you.

„Remus.“, you asserted. „Me and Sirius stole from a cafeteria earlier because we‘re both broke. My car is lost because he wanted to search for you. I know it‘s wrong to involve you in this, but you play a role in this as well. Please go with us.“

He was fully awake now, and directed his eyes at the both of you. Dirty criminals. In the most literal sense.

„Oh.“ Moony, as his friends called him, pulled a bar of chocolate and a still full water bottle out of his pockets. „Sorry, this is all I have, you can share this.“ Not a word about you having committed crimes.

He handed you and Sirius the chocolate and the water and then proceeded: „Of course I will go with you, no question. I suspect the police are after you?“

„They are.“, Sirius growled.

•••••••

„How was last night for you, Moony?“

Remus shrugged. „As always. I can‘t remember anything. Peter was digging a hole and hid in it, apparently.“

You didn‘t know what they were talking about. But the motive as to why they left their houses altogether became very clear soon. Remus explained that the day after James’ murder he was worried after Sirius was not in his house as usual, so he called his other best friend, Peter, to help him search, but then it was dark, and the night was a full moon - you didn‘t even notice last night - but apparently Remus was a werewolf. You were tempted to ask how much of this they made up, but it looked really convincing to say the least.

Peter had even transformed in front of your eyes. And their group of friends consisted only out of these three - and James. They even had a name. _The Marauders._

And now you were unwillingly inserted into the Marauders, and Remus was now unwillingly a part of your crimes. A new suspect. It was also suspicious that Remus just went along with you and Sirius. He didn‘t care about what you did at all. But he cared about your health, because for what other reason would he have offered his food to you?

The three of you agreed to prioritize the police search over Peter, while you and Sirius took turns drinking out of Remus‘ water bottle.

You were fucked, but you had friends, at least. Somehow, eventually, you would make it out of your miserable life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the marauders!! woohoo 🥳 they give me lots of serotonin and so does writing about them. hope you enjoyed todays chapter :)


	8. lupin and black magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i took a short break, around two weeks, but i‘m baaaaaaackkkkkkk yay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the reader is referred to with they/them pronouns here.

Sirius became visibly angry at the whole situation - understandable - the police was after him, his friend died, and the other one had just disappeared.

That‘s a lot of shit to deal with. So you were grateful that Remus was basically the glue holding you and him together. Now you were stranded in the woods without a destination, but somehow Remus knew just were to go.

„Grab my hand, it‘ll be fine.“, he assured, and you felt the last bit of self-worth leaving your body as you grabbed the strangers hand. But then again, Sirius did so too, so whatever they had planned out, they were doing it together.

If you‘d die now you‘d have nothing to live for anyway, you thought - and then you hated yourself for overthinking so much. As you were feeling the warmth of Remus‘ hand, your whole body was spun around, you were twisted and pulled from the ground, in a void - you couldn‘t see anything, and you tried to scream. Whatever they were doing to you, it now became evident that it was too late. They somehow had magical powers, first the transforming and now this...

Before you could pull away again, you suddenly laid on the cold metallic ground of a pharmacy.

The grotesque mix of reality and whatever this was - dark magic - made you question your sanity. good thing you now were in a pharmacy to hopefully get the medicine you need to escape this horrifying nightmare.

„Where are we?“, said a low voice that sounded strangely unfamiliar, and it took you a while to figure out it was yours. Looking around, it was indeed-

„A pharmacy.“, said Remus.

„I noticed.“, you clarified. „But how..“

Sirius chuckled behind you, slightly taller than you, because he surpassed your head and you could almost see the sound waves flowing over it. „I think they‘re still confused, Moony.“

„Indeed I am“, you said with exaggerrated anger. „You are basically kidnapping me.“

„But dear-“, Remus, the first to move again, wandered around the store and grabbed some herbal tea. „I would never hurt you.“

„You scared me, though.“, you answered truthfully, and were taken by surprise by his gentleman behaviour. Unusual for a young man who was apparently a werewolf. But you have also never seen a real werewolf so you didn‘t mind getting your perception of them changed positively.

He gave you the tea, and you felt the need to say „Thank you.“, faking a smile.

You took a look at it. Of course it could have been poisoned, but it looked very normal. Unless these guys were pulling another trick on you. You never knew nowadays.

But you decided to open it anyway. Distrustful, you stared at the innocent and especially normal looking teabags inside of it.

„It‘s healthy tea“, Remus commented with a soft, genuine smile. You couldn‘t see Sirius‘ expression but he didn‘t do anything to help you - so you were basically lured into their trap.

„Wait, I‘ll brew it up for you.“

You looked up to meet his grey eyes. And suddenly you could see the rest of something wolfish in them. „Ah, yes.“

You handed the teabags back to Remus, and you recognized a water heater standing on the counter. Has it always been there?

You could swear it hadn‘t - or you officially lost your mind. As Remus was busy making tea for you, Sirius mischievously nudged you and whispered something in your ear.

„Don‘t worry, I‘ll explain it to you later.“

You sarcastically whispered back, „I really fucking hope you do.“ So far, you liked and trusted Sirius and didn‘t want that to change. You left your car and your belongings behind for him and his friends, so you expected him to at least guide you somehow.

„Feel free to take whatever you need.“ Remus hummed from the counter.

You know you stole things before, but it wasn‘t in your nature to casually commit crimes, so you hesitated. It only got you in trouble over time.

„Why?“

Sirius gave you another nudge. „Don‘t act like you haven‘t stolen before.“

You were still unsure if this was the right thing, but then again, your mind told you to fuck everything up because there was nothing you could do right anymore.

So you looked around the store like all of it belonged to you. And since all of it was there for _you_ , you had a hard time deciding what to go for first.

You grabbed basically everything that could fit in your pockets and you were surprised as you could almost fit a whole shelf with medicine in it. Surprised, you gazed over to Sirius, who seemed to be fidgeting in his own pocket and he gave you a flirting smile.

„Expansion charm.“

„Charm?“ Your wonders about what the hell they were doing to you only intensified. „Are you fucking with my mind?“

„Everything is fucked.“, Sirius clarified. „A little use of magic shouldn‘t be forbidden.“ His answer didn‘t satisfy you.

„I feel like in a movie.“

Remus was too distracted to see what was going on but didn‘t seem as terrified as you at all. You knew they were keeping a secret from you and it angered you that Sirius was putting it off for so long. He acted like you had all the time in the world when you hadn‘t.

Now that your pockets were filled, even with the „Extension Charm“, you noticed that Remus, who by the way was slightly taller than Sirius, was leaning against the wall with a cup of tea in his hands.

You walked over to him.

„For you, dear.“ He handed you the brewed tea. You were skeptical about the ingredients. The worries started to surface even after Remus promised you it was safe to drink. Why would he emphasize it so much?

Sirius just stood there and smiled like a whore. You threw an irritated look at him.

No one else was around and you weren‘t sure if the doors to the pharmacy were unlocked. You didn‘t even know how far away from your actual place you were, you just went along with it all.

Then you took the white, steaming cup in both your hands and took a sip. Nothing happened.

„I told you it‘s safe“, Remus mocked you.

You drank all of it, swallowed it down and licked your lips afterwards. „You were right.“, you exclaimed, slightly relieved. „It was a bit hot though.“

As the last drops of the hot tea ran through your throat, you suddenly lost control and fell to the ground.

„Oops- Sorry!“, you screamed, but no one answered you. Everything went dark around you instead.

„Help..?“

Suddenly, a bright light was held in front of you and you recognized Sirius‘ long hair.

The scenery had changed completely, and you were in a basement-like room, sitting on something that resembled a chair, and you didn’t even bother to try to stand up. Remus was also sitting in a chair, a few feet away, lazily, one of his feet laying over the other.

This was not what you needed, you thought you could easily commit crimes together, but the look on Sirius‘ face shining in your face and alost blinding you reminded you of the police. Nothing of the warm tea was to be felt anymore, your blood was cold and your body was shaking from the cold. „Are you.. interrogating me?“

You gave up on trying to ask where you were, since all the coordination you had earlier was suddenly taken away from you. You stood rather beside yourself.

Sirius mysteriously took something off of your face - at first glance it seemed like a glowing stick, but then you identified it as a wand.

„I think it‘s time we tell you the truth.“, he explained.

„I don‘t know who to trust anymore.“, you confessed. „The tea... He lied to me!“ you pointed at Remus.

„Why did you lie to me?“, you yelled. „You are the only reason I gave up on my former life and you betray me like this! Honestly I understand why Peter left you, you portray all of us as liars when in reality it‘s you!“

Sirius put one hand on your shoulder.

„Don‘t- you- dare- touch me! You kidnapped me. What else to you want to take from me?“

He didn‘t give you an answer that even slightly resembled what you wanted to hear, so you wondered why you felt calmed down hearing it.

„Hey, let me explain.“

Remus‘ soothing voice added to Sirius‘ slightly rougher one. „Yeah, please let him.“

And you let him.


End file.
